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  ‘Are you enjoying yourself?’ he asks me.

  ‘Yes, very much,’ I say with a small smile.

  He closes the bit of space between our faces and I think he’s actually going to kiss me. I’ve frozen in place, waiting with eyes closed. I can feel his breath on my lips.

  ‘How would you like to be a little closer to the action?’ he suggests in a whisper.

  ‘Closer?’ I ask, tingling as my thirst threatens to be quenched.

  ‘Yes,’ he replies and backs away from me. Jimmy returns to the bed and drops a soft kiss onto Tina’s lips. He’s whispered something to her and she seems to like it, nodding with a grin, then makes no hesitation in following him back to me. He wraps his hands around her small waist and places her into position. Before I understand what he intends, Tina is lowering herself onto my lap.

  ‘I’m not too heavy, am I?’ she says in her small voice, but it’s a rhetorical question, because Jimmy is already sweeping her legs under his arms and kneeling again in front of me.

  She gasps and I know he’s inside her. He presses her slowly and I can sense his movements. Each push makes me grip the arms of the chair tighter. Tina is moaning and cooing in my ear as her head has dropped back onto my shoulder. Jimmy leans forward and manages to raise the stakes even further by lapping at my other ear with his mind-warping words.

  ‘You are so wet with the idea of me being inside you. And you are wondering if the ache you’re feeling right now might actually be better than the real deal.’ Tina calls out a wavering cry when he thrusts into her a little stronger than before. ‘As you can tell, Pamela, for those who choose to recognise a good thing, satisfaction is in the sharing of it.’

  I blink at him with my mouth open and my insides exploding. Never have I been driven into such a frenzy. Wilfully he continues, ‘Do you hear how I make this woman feel? Are you aware that’s she’s trembling right now? Do you sense the connection between us, the energy? Pamela, this could never be you, because you won’t let it happen.’

  ‘I want to know that feeling,’ I murmur, breathless in the midst of the rolling pressure that endures, though the things he’s saying are tearing at my heart.

  ‘You want things, Pamela, but you do not know how to need,’ he says and slips his hands on top of mine. ‘I’m going to make her come, because I need this woman to be happy. I love to hear her call my name because there is beauty in satisfying her.’

  ‘You are heartless,’ I mutter at him, but I know his heart has more to give than the tight capsule within me that I purport to be so insatiable.

  ‘Pamela, you need this ... to understand that every hole can be filled, even the one inside you.’

  He’s fucking her hard now, ushering Tina to another orgasm. When she issues a languishing moan between her full lips, he delivers me a single kiss on the cheek, tender and wet.

  I’m not sure which is more agonising, the relentless tugging left to quake between my legs or the stinging truths that he’s so mercilessly spoken.

  ‘I think I’ve had enough,’ I say, finding the strength to end the odyssey he’s been taking me on.

  He stands up, helping Tina to her feet and drawing her close to him. ‘But have you really, Pamela?’

  I gather my purse and smooth my rumpled blouse and skirt. ‘Stay; the room is paid for.’ Looking at Jimmy, I want to give him a kiss goodbye, have just a taste before I go. It won’t happen, I know, and there won’t be any more salacious emails between us either. My pursuit of Jimmy has come to a rather surprising end, leaving me with a pressing new desire to find fulfilment. When I close the door, I can hear Tina’s lilting squeals prompted by Jimmy’s renewed attentions and I am hopeful for my own elusive satisfaction.

  Chapter Nine – Noemi

  THE TEXT COMES THROUGH late, and I’m glad it isn’t a call. Jimmy is asking me if I’m OK. I’m not. I’m angry, and I’m turned on. I’m angry that I’m turned on. How did I end up the one on the receiving end of such a devilish game, with her fingers sliding inside me instead of his? One thing is certain; the result is as predicted: my ex-boyfriend, Palo, has come running on cue. But I won’t have him thinking that I’m interested in anything he has to offer.

  ‘What the hell was that about, out there with that puta tonight?’ He flings the inquisition at me from the edge of the bar at closing.

  ‘None of your fucking business,’ I retort.

  ‘You trying to embarrass me?’ he says, leaning towards me with hushed fury.

  ‘You’re embarrassing yourself. Get the fuck out of my face.’

  He retreats, but I know the real reason he’s bothered coming to me about what he saw – it fucked with his head. The way it has been fucking with mine. Initially, I started dancing with Tina to give Jimmy as much of a show as Palo, but somehow I lost myself in the moment and let her take me. I’m the one that does the taking. The whole thing has my mind all twisted and making me anxious for the night to end.

  By morning I can’t help myself; I text him back. Why?

  Noemi, “why” is not the question. The question is who and the “who” is not me.

  Fucking ridiculous, the whole thing! I’ve had it with him and the way he makes me want to scream. I don’t deserve this shit.

  You’re right, my sweet Noemi, you don’t.

  What the FUCK does that mean?

  When I say that you’re too good for me, I mean that I’ll never make you happy. Noemi, when will you be ready to want someone who’s right for you?

  When will you stop playing these mind games with me?

  If you want to stop, we’ll stop. But I hope we are still friends.

  Fuck it. I can’t stay mad at you.

  Good. Are you working today?

  At the hospital until 6.30 p.m.

  Do you trust me?

  Why should I?

  Because, I’ve never lied to you.

  I decide to leave it at that. I’d had my fill of Jimmy and the slippery paths he seems to enjoy putting me on.

  Now a week later, I find myself daydreaming and running late again, a chronic condition I can’t seem to shake. My shift starts in half an hour and I need to get dressed and on the road. There won’t be time to change, so as much as I hate wearing those ugly-ass scrubs in the street, I throw them on with a pair of sneakers. No time for make-up either, but at least there isn’t much traffic since it’s Saturday morning.

  Working at the hospital is like another world compared to the club’s sinful paradise and is a good reflection of the two sides to my personality. Looking at me, no one would ever suppose that I spend my free time hunting for and fucking the men who have fucked over someone else.

  Here, I’m needed for the care I give to the old and the weak. ICU is sometimes considered the most depressing floor in a hospital, but for me it’s a place where I feel the most rewarded. I know a little something about the heartache of illness. My brother was stricken with MS in the third grade. Ten years later, he can barely feed himself any more, but his mind is still as sharp as ever with a vivid sense of humour shining through the darkness of his condition. Every day I know that he is stronger than I’ll ever be, and his corkscrew smile is a constant source of inspiration when I’m feeling down.

  Many of the patients in ICU are at death’s door; the realisation can be seen in the eyes of those who are lucky enough to be lucid. The smallest bit of comfort is more than enough to make their day, and I do my best to give them as much as I can. It’s in the smile on their worn faces when I arrive for an unrequested pillow adjustment or offer some extra magazines. Sometimes I’ll stop in just to chat a little while about anything they want to talk about to take their mind off of things. But all week, it’s been me who’s needed a break from the thoughts that are swimming in my head.

  … someone who’s right for me.

  Jimmy’s words continue to nibble at my consciousness, lingering with a question mark. Do I even know what to look for?

  The thought plagues me endlessly and by 6.30
p.m., I’m feeling glad that I’m not scheduled to waitress at the club, looking forward to an uneventful evening at home instead.

  Walking to my car, I hear someone call my name. At first, I don’t recognise the petite girl, who’s got on a baseball cap and a loose-fitting sweatshirt hanging just above a pair of cut-off shorts. She’s standing with an athletic-looking blond guy by a red convertible. The call comes again with a wave now, from Tina.

  For a quick moment, I think that I’ll just ignore her, but I’m certain Jimmy’s behind this and I just have to know what he’s up to.

  ‘What do you want?’ I ask directly, after walking over to them.

  ‘Let me introduce you to Lance. Lance, this is Noemi, the beautiful woman we told you about.’

  I don’t like the sound of that: we.

  ‘We were hoping you would consider joining us for a picnic on the beach this evening.’

  ‘Where’s Jimmy?’ I ask brusquely.

  Lance answers, ‘At his place, cleaning the fish we caught today.’

  I’m intrigued, though it’s involuntary. What I want to do is tell them all to shove it.

  Tina steps forward, speaking softly for only my ears. ‘Listen, that thing the other night – just forget about it; I have. We were just having a little fun, right?’

  I’m not convinced.

  Lance gives it a shot. ‘I know it’s short notice and all, but we have more snapper than we know what to do with.’ He pauses. ‘And I have a feeling you haven’t eaten dinner yet.’

  His smile is warm and easy, and most attractively, sincere. Suddenly I’m considering the invitation. ‘I’ll need to change,’ I say with the realisation of my disastrous appearance. What a way to meet someone, looking like a sack of potatoes.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. You look fine,’ Lance says. ‘Besides, look at us. We’ve all been out on a boat all day. We’re not talking about a four-star restaurant here. Just Jimmy’s backyard and a hibachi grill.’

  Tina chimes in, ‘It’s not a big deal, but it would be great if you’d come. Not for anything – three’s a crowd, but four’s a party.’ Her last words have gotten my attention. As much as I hate to admit it, I’d like to know just what she means by that. I can see her reading my reaction in the twist of my lip when she says it. ‘Do you want to ride with or follow us over there?’ She presents the two options with a cheerful smile.

  ‘I’ll take my own car,’ I say finally, still wondering if my curiosity will prove more risky than it’s worth.

  When we walk into Jimmy’s place, I don’t know why he’s looking so surprised. Surely, he’d expected me to come when he beckoned. I can’t say there was a time when he was wrong about that.

  ‘It’s good to see you, Noemi,’ he says. ‘Really.’

  ‘I know I look like a hot mess, but your minions insisted–’

  ‘I’ve never seen you look better,’ he says with a smile.

  ‘Never thought I’d see you up to your elbows in fish guts,’ I return.

  ‘You can’t judge a book, Noemi.’ That’s certainly true.

  ‘If Jimmy’s playing chef tonight, then I’ll play bartender,’ Lance offers. ‘Ladies, which can I get you, beer or wine?’

  ‘It’s nice to be waited on for a change, huh, Noemi?’ Tina says, plopping onto the sofa.

  I take a breath, relaxing enough to admit, ‘Yes, it is.’

  Jimmy prepares the entire meal while Lance keeps Tina and I company on the balcony. Beyond the crystal sands of South Beach, the ocean laps lazily at the shore. I sip my Corona as the breeze tickles my face. It’s been a long week, and the setting alone should be enough to put me in a good mood.

  ‘Tell me something interesting about you, Noemi,’ Lance says and it’s a request that I meet with a cynical frown. ‘Or maybe you think that’s too personal.’

  He’s cute and nice, but I can’t even remember the last time I had a real conversation with a man that wasn’t designed to make him my bitch. ‘Why don’t you tell me something interesting first?’

  ‘You don’t need to wear make-up to look amazing.’ The compliment puts a smile on my face. ‘And, look, you have an incredible smile.’

  ‘I didn’t mean for you to ...’ He’s done it; he’s made me laugh.

  ‘I know – cheap shot. OK, I lived in Nova Scotia until I was 15.’

  ‘That’s random.’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s interesting.’ He’s laughing now too, and Tina excuses herself inside to see if she can help Jimmy. ‘Now it’s your turn.’

  I decide to drop the bomb. ‘My brother has MS and I work two jobs to help support him.’

  He’s quiet and I put up my armour with a raised eyebrow. ‘Is that interesting enough for you?’

  ‘I’d say that it sounds hard.’ He stares at me a minute before continuing, ‘And I’m glad we scooped you up tonight for a break, short as it may be.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess I’m glad too.’

  ‘Everybody grab something,’ Jimmy calls from inside. ‘We have about 20 minutes before sunset.’

  On the blanket, enjoying the delicious fish tacos Jimmy put together, the atmosphere feels remarkably normal. Tina laughs at the way Jimmy’s managed to get a nose full of sour cream and he looks completely different to me all of a sudden. He doesn’t look like some mystical god, forever out of reach. He looks real, as real as I feel. The thought makes me chuckle.

  ‘What are you laughing at?’ he teases, grinning.

  ‘I’m just having a good time.’

  ‘Good,’ he replies, wiping up the mess on his face.

  ‘The sky is beautiful; this was a great idea,’ Tina says and I have to agree.

  ‘Can I get you another beer, Noemi?’ Lance asks.

  ‘Sure, why not?’ This stretch of the beach is seeing its last sunbathers heading in for the night. The evening is descending into night and I have the feeling things are just getting started.

  ‘What could make this more perfect?’ Tina asks.

  ‘Is that a real question?’ Jimmy responds.

  ‘It wasn’t, but if you have any ideas, do share.’

  ‘I want to know what Noemi thinks. What would make this evening more perfect?’

  ‘Why are you gonna put me on the spot like that, Jimmy?’ I protest.

  ‘Don’t get all shy now, Noemi. The sun has gone down, and you’re among friends,’ he goads.

  ‘Friends?’ I question.

  ‘New friends,’ Lance says. Then with a wink he continues, ‘I bet I can handle any request.’

  I consider the possibilities. ‘A foot massage.’

  ‘The man says he can handle any request and all you ask for is a foot massage?’ Tina says. ‘Noemi, these kinds of opportunities don’t come along that often.’

  ‘Go for it,’ Lance encourages.

  ‘All right, I want you to give me a foot massage with your mouth. That would be perfect.’ The challenge is just outlandish enough to entertain me.

  ‘You must have had a very tough day to deserve that.’

  ‘I’ve had a tough three years, now that you mention it.’

  ‘I can tell when someone needs a little TLC.’ He smiles. ‘If you come down to the water with me, maybe we can arrange something for those tired feet of yours.’

  There it is; a reverse challenge. How can I resist?

  ‘Let’s all take a dip!’ Tina exclaims and is tearing off her sweatshirt and sliding off her shorts. In a tank and panties, she makes her way to the water’s edge and Jimmy isn’t far behind.

  Careful not to appear as enthusiastic, I slowly slip off my pants and knot my scrub top above my waist. Lance patiently waits for me before escorting me down the short walk. It’s almost completely dark now, with the first stars appearing above us. I can just about make out the silhouette of his muscled frame, now bare except for his briefs. Tina and Jimmy’s voices are sounding distant as they splash and laugh some yards away.

  ‘You don’t even know me, Lance. I’m really not expecting yo
u to suck my toes,’ I say, sitting down in the water.

  ‘Know you or not, I’m sure you wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t at least a little interesting to you.’ He crouches in front of me. ‘How about I start with a conventional foot massage and a request to take you out on a date tomorrow night? Unless you are seeing someone already?’

  ‘There’s no one I’m seeing, but I’m waitressing tomorrow.’

  ‘Monday then?’

  It’s strange talking to him in the dark, where I can’t see him, but only feel his fingers sliding over the soles of my feet and between my toes as the water rolls softly against my skin. ‘I promised to watch a movie with my brother after I get off from the hospital.’

  ‘Can I join you?’

  It’s an odd suggestion, but not without its charm. ‘If you like car chases and shoot-outs.’

  ‘I’ll bring the popcorn.’

  I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. Never has any man expressed an interest in anything real about my life. The prospect is a little scary, but no amount of apprehension will dull the grin that’s creeping across my face under the cover of darkness. ‘Let’s just see if you can handle this foot massage before I start inviting you over.’

  ‘I have a way with my hands, you’ll see.’

  And he does. Working his warmth past the cool water, he’s steadily making me want to know him better.

  Chapter Ten – Tina

  THESE DAYS I HAVE a constant buzz, flying high on a drug that I just can’t say no to, and Jimmy is my dealer. The world looks like a playground to me, full of hidden opportunities for new adventures. I love the idea of not knowing what will happen, who will be seduced, which new limit I will test. Last night’s episode with Pamela is still flashing through my mind, like an endless loop. My heart skips at the sheer eroticism of the entire event, though I’m not in the least shocked or regretful. I relished every breathless whimper from her mouth as we twisted her mind inside out with our little game.

  I’ve been involved with Jimmy for a month and it seems like an eternity since I sat in this seat, broken hearted over Jared. I don’t feel like that person any more – don’t even recognise her in the mirror.